I can't tell how relatable your post is! For the past, god knows how many years, I feel trapped in the constant battle of 'is it real or am I just pretending?'. Everyone and everything seems predictable -- as you rightly pointed out, out of a screenplay. When I'm laughing with my friends, a voice in my head says, 'was it actually funny or do you think one is supposed to laugh at such a comeback and hence laughed? Did you plan your laugh? When did you plan it? Maybe you're so good with the act now that you don't even need to think about it consciously. When I'm working and there is a new question/idea in my head, the voice becomes alive again, 'are you actually thinking or acting to think? Is it a genuine question or do you think one at your position should propose such a question?'

The voice takes away the charm from everything and everyone around. Only if I could silence this voice. Only if.